No one tells you how so many conflicting things can be true at the same time.

No one tells you about how so many conflicting things can be true at the same time.

We have been told all our lives that if you want something bad enough, work hard and go get it.

They told us we could have it all, but I think that was a lie. 

I think that’s what our mothers’ generation hoped for us and by telling us that over and over, I think they thought we could manifest it. Well, having it all means having it ALL. 

I try to be the best mom I can be to my child, while also being the best self I can be to me. What a delicate balance - like standing with my feet strapped to two different horses running toward different destinations. How can I possibly stay on?

When I lean toward myself and take the time I know I deserve - go for a walk, see friends, get my nails done, read a book in the quiet of my office and sip my tea (or wine!) I feel guilty for being selfish but love that time so much. 

When I’m with my son, having kitchen dance parties, reading stories and playing in the park, I feel such joy, but also feel drained and in need of rest. No one ever talks about how exhausting parenting is or if they do, they always wrap it up in some self admonishing package, like, “but I wouldn’t trade my kids for anything.” Why do we have to do that? Why can’t both things be true?

I crave solitude to rest and be alone with my thoughts. I know this time rejuvenates me and gives me strength that transforms me into the active and engaged mom I know I am to my son, but man, it’s the most difficult work I have ever done and I don’t think it will ever get easier even though I pray each day it does.